The Institute for Christ Centered Manhood aims to foster a desire in men to be the kind of Christ centered fathers, husbands and sons that can lead their families to God and his will in an immoral and wicked world. The Lord challenged his servants to be “Wise as serpents and harmless as doves” see Mathew 10:16. As men and leaders of homes, families, business, and communities, we can play a major role in a renaissance that will return integrity to our spheres of influence. This effort is facilitated in part by this forum and blog where ideas may be shared and problems discussed. I also offer my services as a guest speaker and consultant in organizations, church groups, and service clubs. My fees and rates are available by emailing a request.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Thoughts about Christ Centered Mentorship & Helping

Helping Philosophies that the Christ Centered Mentor needs to understand:

-Constructive Criticism: No such thing.
Criticism in any form creates anxiety and when we are anxious, learning is impossible. 
I think of the Savior being approached with the question “which sinned, this man or his parents?”  The Savior’s response was not to blame but to heal and teach.  This does not mean you do not stand up for moral principles; after all, even the savior cleansed the temple.  When teaching and healing is the goal, criticism is counterproductive. 
-Transference & counter-transference.
The idea that these can be eliminated from a helping relationship is utterly false and any one who thinks any differently is lying to themselves. 
Emotions should not be suppressed – they need to be understood and managed.  

Gives away the blamer’s power and bestows it on the blamee. We only have power to change something if we take ownership or blame for that “something.”
What about that the women taken in adultery?  I believe the Saviors example fits here.

In a therapeutic relationship, bluffing is always detected.

-Belief that we can know others is erroneous.
No human has the capacity in him/her self to know the thoughts of others, no matter how well we are acquainted. 
We can conceive of others thoughts, we can empathize, we can even mirror and anticipate with almost complete accuracy, but there are no mind listening devices that can literally hear the thoughts of others.  Only by being in-tune with the Spirit can we be led in this regard. 

-Life is a business of the heart not the intellect.
We cannot live life in our heads, we must be who we are. This does not mean we cannot change our natures or who we are with the Lord’s help, but we must come to accept our own metaphorical and sometimes literal genealogy BEFORE we can make any difference in our lives. We must operate through our hearts, not our minds.

-I (and everyone) am the center of the universe.
We are human creatures and as such we see life through a lens. We cannot see it through another person’s lens, we only see through our own. We can ask others what they see, but we cannot see what they see. We are each the center of our own universe and the world does revolve around each of us. 

-Dancer will survive the plumber.
Our ability to experience life and grow through each experience, to take it as it comes if you will, will produce a healthier life than a static one perspective approach. Life is the constant and we are the variable not the other way around.

-Control vs. Tolerance.
The idea that we can exercise control or dominion is a fallacy. In the helping professions especially we must meet people where they are, we must encourage not direct. We must support not judge (unless you are called to that position). We must be tolerant and not controlling. Through Socratic questioning we can affect others to change themselves, but telling people what to do never changed anyone.
Think about Saul (Paul). The Lord asked him a question (“why persecutest thou me?”) and stated some facts (“It is hard to kick against the pricks.”) He did not command him to stop; he invited him to think about his life and change sides.
-Doing for vs. doing with
The whole teaching a man to fish thing - We do not learn by being given only by doing.

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